[Advanced] How to Be a Good Listener (2)

No-solution listening can also be a test of intimacy — especially with personal relationships, Rooni said.

"Sometimes people are looking for a confidant and this is really a good way to tell if you can trust someone," he said.

Here are some tips to being a better listener:


Find out what they want from you.

"Do they want to be held, heard or understood?" Rooni said. "When someone wants a solution they will say 'Do you have any ideas or suggestions?' They will typically communicate what it is that they want if we actually ask them."


Be aware of your body language.
"Leaning slightly forward to listen communicates nonverbally that you're interested," Rooni said. "But if you cross your arms or put your feet on the table that says you are not interested and you won't connect. And don't underestimate the importance of eye contact. This establishes trustworthiness and credibility. It's something that you can use when you're engaging in listening that helps you connect."

Don't multitask.
"Multitasking has become a communicative epidemic," Rooni said. "If you're doing other things while listening, it can come off as disrespectful. The person talking will feel a lack of importance — that what they're saying is not important."

Be honest about your limitations.
"If you have a hard time restraining yourself from saying something", Costello said "You can say to them, 'I'm having a hard time just listening here because every fiber of my being wants to give you advice. So I may not be the best person to vent to about this.'"


Notes and Vocabulary
intimacy n.
things you say or do to someone you have a close personal relationship with

confidant n.
/ˈkɑ:nfəˌdɑ:nt/
a trusted friend you can talk to about personal and private things ;
a person you trust and share your feelings and secrets with

nonverbally adv.
not using words

underestimate v.
to think or guess that something is smaller, cheaper, easier etc than it really is;
to think that someone is not as good, clever, or skilful, as they really are

multitask v.
to do several things at the same time

epidemic n.
a sudden quickly spreading occurrence of something harmful or unwanted  



Discussion Questions
- How good are you at no-solution listening? Explain.
- Do you multitask while people are talking to you? Give a recent example.
- What’s the difference between effective listening and simply hearing someone?


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