For example, in networking, the best information and contacts can come from a dormant tie — a relationship with an old contact that was allowed to lapse. Dormant ties are valuable, Grant writes, because they will have new and unfamiliar experiences and relationships to offer.
However, an old contact will know that a taker uses people and then discards them; a giver, on the other hand, only lets a relationship go dormant because of the normal vicissitudes of life in which it is impossible to keep in close contact with everyone. For that reason, Grant explains, old dormant contacts will be much more inclined to help a giver who suddenly calls after a long silence than any other kind of person.
Givers have an equal advantage in collaboration. Givers know better than most what it takes to work productively with others, writes Grant. By giving unconditionally to the team, they gain the respect of their colleagues and don’t attract the jealousy that other creative or successful people might. Givers recognize the contribution of the team — and if you don’t recognize the contribution of the team, according to Grant, history has shown that you will pay the consequences. Grant describes the decade-long lull in the career of legendary architect Frank Lloyd Wright. It was a time during which Wright completed only two projects. Grant attributes Wright’s unwillingness to collaborate as the primary cause of the architect’s downturn in output.
The Doormat Trap
Givers are equally better at evaluating and developing talent and clearly better at influencing people than takers or matchers. And yet, Grant writes, givers are also those who fail the most. Why do some givers succeed, whereas others find that giving stalls their careers or makes them less successful? The difference is what Grant calls being an “otherish” giver. Otherish givers, unlike selfless givers, do not give indiscriminately with no thought to their interests — they are not completely other-focused. Instead, they engage in “sincerity screening,” separating out the generous from those trying to take advantage.
Language Lab
dormant adj.
not doing anything at this time : not active but able to become active
doormat adj.
someone who is treated badly by other people and does not complain
lull n.
a brief time when an action or activity stops — usually + in
indiscriminately adv.
affecting or harming many people or things in a careless or unfair way
vicissitudes (pl n)
/vəˈsɪsəˌtu:dz/
the many changes or problems that happen over time — often + of
the continuous changes and problems that affect a situation or someone's life
- the vicissitudes of life
- the vicissitudes of married life
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